![\"Surviving](\"https:\/\/www.myhealthspecialist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/shutterstock_708489169.jpg\")
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The beginning\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n The world revolves around food – parties, dinners, teas – every social event is a feast, and the food is how we show each other our love and hospitality. Food punctuates our lives\u2019 events.\u00a0 Ultimately, we are all foodies and, as our earning potentials have improved, our diets have changed.\u00a0 The foods we ate as a treat has become our go-to meals on a daily basis\u2026 we write about food, we look at food all day long on social media and we dream about which next premium restaurant we will go to for that thrill of something new.<\/p>\n I had always been a fastidious foody. The fun one who\u2019d never say no to seconds and could drink most men under the table, always a big girl.\u00a0 But also always on some gimmicky diet that would help make it better. The fat lady that kids pointed and laughed at; I was the fat friend and the fat daughter (ergo the ugly sister). \u00a0At my most, I weighed 15 stones (98 kilos); most fully grown men weigh less then I weighed. I didn\u2019t often get on the scales and when I did the number didn\u2019t mean anything to me.\u00a0 Why would it? With all the talks of positive body images, \u201c\u2026fat is beautiful too\u2026\u201d I believed it. I was fine just as I was.<\/p>\n When did the number on the scales start to mean something?<\/strong><\/p>\n I had met the man of my dreams, who was also foody. Our love for food connected us…. and he loved me just as I was. Exactly as I was. Being in love and happy, I dropped to 12 stones without really trying and I was so pleased with myself. \u00a0\u00a0After a whirlwind romance and wedding, I very excitedly discovered I was pregnant… I was so happy, content. I now had validation for getting fat! I could eat what I liked… I\u2019d legitimately be able to crave foods and enjoy them to my heart\u2019s content. Obviously, that wasn\u2019t my first thought, but it was one of them in my mix of emotions and wonderings.<\/p>\n My diagnosis\u2026 during pregnancy<\/strong><\/p>\n Early days and routine blood tests all looked ok… blood pressure was a little high. Quick pinprick blood sugar check at my routine antenatal appointment: blood sugar 19. Hmm sounded a little high. I knew because my dad is diabetic. Still didn\u2019t mean much to me… maybe it was the morning\u2019s breakfast I thought. Until I saw the look of sheer panic on my nurse\u2019s face. I sat dumbfounded. And the room stood still. Time stopped. I felt dizzy and the room closed in. She ran to get the doctor. I still didn\u2019t quite understand the magnitude of what this meant. I went into the surgery for a routine check\u2026 and walked out a diabetic.<\/p>\n Equipped with insulin, a book to record everything, a pricker to prick, strips\u2026 and tears in my eyes. Just as a new life was to begin, I felt mine had ended. I\u2019ve never seen medical staff work so quickly. I was immediately referred to the specialist pregnancy diabetic unit at Barnet general… and they saw me the next day. Because what I didn\u2019t know was that diabetes in pregnancy is dangerous – so dangerous that 30 years ago diabetic women were advised against pregnancy because the outcomes were almost always fatal or extreme congenital malformations during the pregnancy. I soon replaced all my pregnancy books with \u201cDiabetic and pregnant\u201d; you see it\u2019s not quite the same. The pregnancy isn\u2019t the same, labour isn\u2019t the same. Everything is different. I couldn\u2019t allow myself cravings and I certainly couldn\u2019t indulge.<\/p>\n I still thought about food but the categories changed. Foods that I was allowed. Foods that I wasn\u2019t allowed. Food that my body could cope with. Food that made my sugar levels go high. High GI, low GI… Before long I was taking 30-40 units of insulin a day and still battling against already high blood sugars. My pregnancy lasted 12 weeks – the day we announced it to the world was also the day I miscarried. There\u2019s nothing like that feeling of loss. And guilt. I blamed myself – my body – for killing my baby. It didn\u2019t make sense to me, I\u2019d lost weight and I\u2019d done what you\u2019re supposed to do. How did I become a diabetic just like that? And how had this condition taken my baby?…<\/p>\n I was 26 and I felt like my whole life had ended<\/strong><\/p>\n When you\u2019re foody who doesn\u2019t eat \u201cfun food\u201d any more there\u2019s not much left of your identity. It was, and is, a massive taboo; I couldn\u2019t tell anyone. I\u2019d failed as a woman – I\u2019d miscarried. And I was a diabetic. Both matters of shame. I felt like I was mourning my health and my baby both at once. I\u2019d torture myself with questions, like how didn\u2019t I know? \u00a0I\u2019d look back at growing up for any signs that I had this condition, I thought I must be predisposed to it because it ran in the family on both sides.\u00a0 Did it explain all my previous infections and trouble healing? Is it just that genetics?<\/p>\n Living with diabetes<\/strong><\/p>\n I continued under the care of the exceptional team at Barnet general and saw a dietician. I even managed to get good control. Under their excellent care I went on to have two successful pregnancies as a diabetic…. (not an easy thing to do, I was on over 120units of insulin a day by the end of each pregnancy) injecting many times a day. My life became about controlling my blood sugars and less about weight. But because I was careful, I lost weight in both pregnancies. After my second pregnancy, I weighed 11 stones. Less than when I married.<\/p>\n I\u2019d become a patient and my poor husband my carer. He\u2019d know by looking in my eyes when I felt low or needed help. He was always there by my side and I\u2019m incredibly grateful. The times I\u2019d come downstairs and demolish a drawer of stuff semiconscious, he\u2019d watch helplessly, concerned but aware that I\u2019d flare if he came near. It isn\u2019t easy being a partner to a diabetic… and diabetes is for life, right? You can\u2019t cure it. This was my bed and I\u2019d have to die in it. And he would watch as I suffered. Because it is suffering. It\u2019s not a nice experience. I knew diabetes killed. I knew it rotted your insides slowly. And I knew that it would take my life in the same way it took my dad\u2019s. I\u2019d read stories where people claimed they had put their diabetes into remission and I\u2019d dismiss them. Everyone knows you can\u2019t undo diabetes, it\u2019s for life. At least that\u2019s what I believed.<\/p>\n The next 10 years as a diabetic<\/strong><\/p>\n I learnt about every diabetic regime and care plan, I read every article. I tried every remedy… that everyone suggested. Karela tablets, okra juice. I was on maximum oral medication, and injections. Everything that could medically be done was done to control my condition. There were complications and shocks. I never had any good news medically. If it wasn\u2019t my eyes and vision it was some infection. Statins for cholesterol, tablets for high blood pressure. From hypos to hypers, I spent hours weekly filling up a pillbox… and calculating with every meal how much insulin I might need. \u00a0\u00a0It changed everything, from insurances to my medical driving license, travelling\/flying with medication. Being a diabetic became my whole life. And all whilst not letting people know. Quietly behind closed doors. Tracking it, monitoring it. Keeping it stable. Not eating, controlling it. An ugly Medusa-like creature that completely took over my life.<\/p>\n Over the years, I\u2019d watch at weddings and functions where obliging wives would follow their husbands and ensure they had eaten and taken their insulin. Whilst I hid in toilets to take mine. Ever wondered why that women\u2019s line is longer at the toilets\u2026? I was left wondering how many of them had the same secret. I\u2019d watch and speculate as I\u2019d wait my turn. Hypo-Ing and treating in silence whilst breaking out in sweats. Heart palpitating. Explaining away confusion as a dithering moment. A select few who knew maybe understood. Others considered me rude for leaving the table or not helping at events. Explaining to my children that they couldn\u2019t have a sweet treat, but mummy needed it as medicine. And that injections aren\u2019t bad… and that they don\u2019t hurt. That pricking 8-10 times a day doesn\u2019t hurt. Fingers hardened, riddled with holes like a pin cushion. Every time they say they\u2019d ask \u201cYou won\u2019t die will you mummy?\u201d. And I\u2019d say \u201c\u2026everyone does, some sooner some later…\u201d I don\u2019t like to lie to them. Feeling guilty of putting them through this with my failing body. Hating my body and myself, genuine fear that it would be \u2018sooner\u2019 for me… and the devastation I would leave behind.<\/p>\n Tackling diabetes with exercise<\/strong><\/p>\n I started to run and that helped with my diabetic control. I wanted to live for my children and show them that mummy was trying to beat this condition.\u00a0 This too wasn\u2019t easy, try running and managing your blood sugars with a manual tester. Stopping to prick and test. Eating to avoid a hypo. But not too much or you\u2019ll be high for the rest of the day. \u00a0Always coming behind on your target time, failing yourself. Fear of hypos every mile you run… fighting the illness with exercise. The illness fighting back, making it harder and harder to achieve your goals. The Libre and other gadgets are coming onto the market, but are expensive and not available to everyone. And I couldn\u2019t justify the \u00a350.00 a fortnight… and the few hundred it is to purchase. Something had to change so I could enjoy running without fear of hypos. I always worried I\u2019d die out there because I\u2019d confused a hypo and the adrenalin rush of a run! So if exercise alone wasn\u2019t going to fix this, what would I do\u2026?<\/p>\n A turning point<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019d tried exercise and I\u2019d lost almost 4 stones slowly and steadily, and then I decided to do something I said I would never do \u2013 because it was for \u201cfatter\u201d people and I wasn\u2019t vain.\u00a0 I joined Slimming World.\u00a0 The same magazines I\u2019d scoffed at, and stories I\u2019d read with ridicule over the years.\u00a0 I\u2019d also read in recent papers that the NHS had been recommending it since 2014 and even paying for nurses and doctors to go on the plan. I needed to take drastic action – my diabetes was getting worse even though I felt I had made every effort to get good control. It was the prompt I needed.\u00a0 Here I learnt a new way to eat\u2026 and I started to eat again after so many years of avoiding food.\u00a0 I made some really good friends that supported me.<\/p>\n And then it happened\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n Exactly 10 years after my diagnosis… I am in remission. I am in remission. I have to write that twice to believe it. The impossible is true – you can go into remission. It is possible. I wish I had done it sooner. All I know now is that if I can do it you can too. You just have to do things a little differently. And it really is all about losing weight or specifically fat from your organs. Nobody told me that. I now know that even those who slim down and continue to have type 2 diabetes do so because the fat is there on the organs.\u00a0 And that is what we need to target.<\/p>\n I did it!<\/strong><\/p>\n My remission is a by-product of my active effort to lose weight. I\u2019m days into remission and dusting off my running shoes… I\u2019m eating more than I\u2019ve ever eaten before and lost weight. I\u2019m not quite where I\u2019d like to be. But I weigh less now than I did when I was 9! At 9 stones 9 lbs it\u2019s the lowest I\u2019ve weighed in my adult life. You have to find what works for you. I\u2019ve adapted it along the way and titrated my medication down responsibly. Look for healthy ways to lose weight and believe that you can. Include exercise in your lifestyle, make walking the norm, and it could happen for you. The battle isn\u2019t quite won. There are years of damage that still needs to be undone. And my body is healing albeit slowly… but the injections have stopped. I\u2019ve also stopped statins and high blood pressure medication. And I can breathe again. I can dream of food again (just in a different way!)<\/p>\n Why is my story important?<\/strong><\/p>\n In 10 years of dealing with diabetes, I have never met another girl who has shared this story with me, and I know that statistics show that this simply can\u2019t be true.\u00a0 It is important so that no other girl walks this journey alone, no other woman feels ashamed of an illness that doesn\u2019t discriminate against age or gender. My message is for my daughters and all the other girls out there – look after yourselves. There\u2019s no shame in sharing this story, it takes strength to live with it and it takes perseverance to get through it. You may not reach remission. But you could better the prognosis of your condition, slow down the rate at which it impacts your body and damages it. Eat good wholesome food, respect your body. Don\u2019t be the diabetic that eats the cake because it would be rude not. Learn to say no to the things that don\u2019t feed your health and yes to the things that heal it… it\u2019s not going to be easy but diabetes isn\u2019t easy either. And if you can live with it you can put that same energy into fighting it. There\u2019s no quick-fix medicine, herbal or otherwise. You have to change your mindset. And your lifestyle. And you too can be in remission. Eat food that\u2019s good for you – builds you up. Do it for your family, do it for your children, so you can say you gave it your best shot. Choose them… Choose yourself.<\/p>\n Pls, share if there\u2019s someone out there who you think might benefit from my story.<\/p>\n You can follow my food journey on Instagram shivali_modha and I\u2019ll happily answer any questions you might have.<\/p>\n Please show your support for a charity that works closely with the South Asian community on Health matters: https:\/\/www.sahf.org.uk\/<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Shivali](\"https:\/\/www.myhealthspecialist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/IMG_0324.jpg\")
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